"My husband and I only planned on having two children and by 2015 we had two daughters. We were happy but struggling financially. I was now a stay at home mom of a two year old and a four year old and my husband was working long hard hours to make ends meet.
Easter comes, and while my father in law was cooking the spring lamb my stomach turned. I stared to panic, "I'm pregnant! No I'm not. Yes I am. Oh god." I didn't tell my husband. I told him to stop at the drugstore on the way home for "girlie" items. Once our daughters were in bed I took the test. Positive. I took another. Positive. I started crying. We could hardly afford the two we had. What were we going to do?! I came out and handed my husband the test while bawling my eyes out. I could hardly take a breath. He was happy. "We will figure it out. We always do." I wasn't okay. I was so worried and I felt like I failed my other two children. What kind of life would they have? We would never have money they would miss out on so much.
I couldn't process being pregnant. I was so upset and the anxiety was heavy...until I went for my ultrasound. That tiny little bean floating inside me and the soft heartbeat; what a wonderful sound. I completely changed my way of thinking. We were having a baby!!!! I was thrilled. We went to find out the gender. "It's a boy!!!" I was thrilled. Until I got a phone call... "We need to discuss something with you. Please come in. We found markers of down syndrome."
Everything stopped. My heart hurt so bad... and the guilt. I knew I was being punished for my reaction when I first found out about being pregnant. I was inconsolable. They set up testing and to meet with a genetic counselor. I was heart broken and so afraid. Someone in my circle asked me how far along I was...I was 23 weeks. "You could abort it, couldn't you?" I felt like throwing up. No I couldn't. He was a he. He had a heartbeat. He kicked when I poked my belly. He had a name and he trusted me to keep him safe. I was appalled. I went for my testing: the blood work came back inconclusive. I was offered an amniocentesis. I declined. Regardless of if he had downs or not, he was ours and in the words of my husband, "We would figure it out, we always do."
Our financial situation got better, we saved, we got thrifty. I researched programs for children with downs. We were prepared. We were ready.
On December 3rd 2015at 9:28am I delivered Jaxx. A healthy, beautiful little boy. He's now a year old and he's incredible. His sisters adore him. He makes me laugh every single day and his daddy is head over heels for his three babies.
Plans are good and you may think you have everything you need but life happens and you receive blessing you never knew you were missing. Our son completed a family I thought was complete. It was a journey and nine months of learning. Those nine months made me stronger, they made me a better mom and wife. I had to make it work, a tiny life depended on me and I would go to the end of the earth for all my children." -Melissa